BROKEN— NOT DONE.

We only truly value our health when it's taken from us.

I've managed to push through this accident without really feeling the emotional toll of it up until last weekend.

I was doing what I "preach", being pragmatic, and stoic, focusing on the stuff that I can do, and trying to perceive everything as more of an opportunity for growth in other domains, than ruminating on the fact that I was stripped of some of my goals and potential out of nowhere.

But this last weekend I went to visit my mom in our hometown, and it started with the fact that through the 4hr car ride, I had to make a bunch of extra stops 'cause I was getting nausea, something I've never had to deal with ever before during a car ride.

Then my ribs were utterly killing me, 'cause I also managed to slip and fall in the shower last week and hit the ribs again, kinda restarting the pain signals back to square zero.

Even had to waste a day away at the hospital checking if I didn't fucked shit up, but overall no further damage, just a natural response from the body saying "You're broken dumbass, chill the fuck out".

But after gathering with my family over the weekend, having my mom, grandpa, and everybody I love super worried about me, making me promise never to ride a stupid scooter again HAHAHA— it kinda unleashed all the emotions I was probably using rationality to suppress.

It didn't help that I went to throw a ball for my dog when we were at the farm and I couldn't throw the ball farther than my 100lbs daughter "with my good arm", and when we sat down after dinner to sing some songs, which I'm particularly proud of having SOME MAD PIPES, HAHAHA, I couldn't really engage my diaphragm without my ribs screaming at me.

And I looked at myself, I'm already a month away from the accident, 30-something days ago, I was at my all-time strongest ever, and now I'm fucking broken.

I failed miserably in allowing those emotions in, the frustration, the sadness, the time, and the potential I might never ever be able to realize.

That's the problem of suppressing emotions, pushing feelings away pretending I was rational wasn’t stoicism— it was plain denial.

Having all that happen, seeing all the people that love me, looking at myself in the mirror as a shell of what I was, that shit hit me harder than I could put into words.

I got really sad, for putting the people that love me through all this shit 'cause I wanted to save literally 10min of walking, for throwing my powerlifting potential on the toilet for a stupid anxiety-driven decision.

But after letting all those emotions sink in, not avoiding them, but letting them become a new part of me— it was like allowing my soul to keep all those feelings so that my mind could forget about them and focus on what I could do.

You see, I wasn't wrong for striving to be pragmatic, I was just dumb for not processing my emotions.

This isn't a declaration of demise, a pity party about how sad you should be about what happened to me, I need to OWN IT, my decisions took me in a direction, now what? Now I look around and explore this new quest,

and let the damned scars become a part of me.

Enter the damned field with one objective in mind— to win.

And boy, I have A TON of wins to make, stupid stuff like lifting my arm above my head is now a BIG WIN, and I'll do my fucking very best to earn and be deserving of it.

GRATEFUL, FOR IT, I'll even use that shit to improve my understanding of the process and increase my ability to help people with similar problems.

The day that I get up from bed without my ribs talking to me, I'll crack open a bottle of champagne and tell the wife to put on the red panties 'cause WE GOT ANOTHER FUCKING WIN HAHAHA!

With the extra time on my hands, I'll learn new shit, there's a myriad of awesome stuff happening in the world right in front of our eyes, and being uneducated about it is borderline madness.

Bottom line, guys, I've made some serious progress on the emotional side of this, the physical side is moving steadily despite the few setbacks, and although it might take a couple of years for me to bench as heavy as I was benching, aye, maybe I'll start specializing in grip training, it was always my demise with deadlifts, maybe that's something worth exploring.

No matter how many problems life throws at you, or maybe you create for yourself, OWN THAT SHIT, and do your fucking very best to keep a positive, rational mind without sucking on the devious tits of denial.

Keep your faith high, be grateful for being alive, and while I'm laying low rehabbing my shit, it'll make me sleep way better if I know that you guys are out there BANGING SOME MOTHERFUCKING IRON, MY BRUDDAHS!

YOU GUYS ARE THE BEST, THANKS A LOT FOR BEING HERE FOR ME!

Big KISS

THE POTATO MAN